


"you really are an idiot, aren't you?"

by wanderlustnostalgia



Category: Saturday Night Live, Weekend Update (SNL), Zoolander (Movies)
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 00:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18906007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustnostalgia/pseuds/wanderlustnostalgia
Summary: Derek Zoolander is an idiot.





	"you really are an idiot, aren't you?"

**Author's Note:**

> Moving this here from Tumblr to make up for the fact that I haven't written real fic in 500 years.

Derek Zoolander is an idiot.

Stefon knows Derek’s an idiot, because Stefon’s not an idiot.  Despite any and all evidence to the contrary (he doesn’t keep up with politics, okay?  It’s bad for his skin—although Seth Meyers’s job is basically politics, and Seth Meyers has some of the softest skin this side of Manhattan, but maybe that’s a New Hampshire thing)—anyway, yeah.  Derek’s stupid.

It’s hilarious, really, how stupid Derek is.  And Stefon likes people who can make him laugh, which is probably why they’re sorta-kinda-friends in the first place.  Also the fact that his roommates died playing in gasoline without the proper equipment (there’s, like, _policy_ and OSHA regulations around flammable recreation, but then again, they’re models and it’s rude to speak ill of the dead) and then there was that whole fiasco with his wife and kid and so he’s been kind of lost and ambling his way through life and Hansel’s off doing some kind of group-fucking thing in the Himalayas or whatever, probably reciting Shakespeare verses and taking soma with savages or however that book went.

Anyway, Derek’s lost.  He’s kind of a charity case, and he’s also ridiculously good-looking, like, _really_ ridiculously good-looking, which is why Stefon hooks up with him in the first place, because Stefon’s older brother David was a Boy Scout and David always said you should do at least one helpful thing every day, and isn’t that why Stefon got into the correspondence business in the first place?

But, _god_ —Derek is an _idiot._

“For the last time, Stefon, Hansel and I do not have a _thing,_ ” he’s insisting, and he’s got that pouty thing going on that all models have, and Stefon hates to say it, but between the lights and the alcohol and the utterly _tragic_ state of Derek’s hair, it looks more-than-marginally unattractive.  “ _God,_ Stefon.  Maybe stop, like, _projeculating_ all your stupid _feelings_ onto me.  I’m a _model,_ not a sickotherapist _._ ”

Stefon rolls his eyes.  As if offering friendly advice is anything like psychotherapy—and on behalf of actual psychotherapists, like D-bag Chopra, he’s kind of offended.

There’s this—dare he say it?— _fundamental disconnect_ between him and Derek.  They don’t _gel,_ in other words, something Hansel would probably say (Hansel’s pretty smart—almost _too_ smart for a model, which means he’s probably not actually Full Model, but whatever—Stefon knows when to keep his mouth shut).  They don’t _vibe._   And that’s not an issue Stefon’s really had before, except now, after Seth—it’s _exhausting._   They’re not even having anything close to a full-on intellectual discussion about marginalization and gender boundaries and the fluid nature of human sexuality and the lack of representation in the modeling industry and this, somehow, trying to get Derek Zoolander to talk about his _feelings,_ is the challenge.

Stefon knocks back his drink.  He blames Seth.  He really does.  Seth makes it look so _easy._


End file.
